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Kurdistani Brides Pay High Price
17.3.2007
By Najeeba Mohammad in Pshdar (ICR No. 215, 16-Mar-07) |
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Campaigners urge an end to the practice of exchange
marriage which, although in decline, continues to
destroy the lives of young Kurdish girls.
March 17, 2007
- Kurdistan region (Iraq)
Sana Abdullah was only six years old when her father
entered her into a form of arranged marriage.
Under such an arrangement, the girl in question is
legally married but remains with her parents until a
wedding is organised, normally when she is in her
teens.
Now 16, Sana can’t decide whether to accept her fate
or rebel. "I'm very sad about [this] I was [only] a
child,” said the girl. "I don’t know what to do."
Sana, a third-grader at a secondary school in her
home town, Qaladze, 130 kilometres northeast of
Sulaimaniyah, said she feels ashamed about her
plight.
"Whenever my mother sits with her friends and they
talk about marriage and how their daughters have got
married, I feel so bad when she tells them that I
was married off as a kid," Sana, who has yet to meet
her husband, said bitterly.
She says that her mother also feels bad because she
wasn’t aware that her husband had committed her to
what’s known as an exchange marriage.
In a typical exchange marriage, a family chooses a
bride for their son, and the bride’s parents, if
they have sons, request that the groom’s family
provide a bride for one of their children, in a kind
of straight swap.
In Sana’s case, her uncle didn’t have a daughter, so
when his son wanted to get married, Sana’s father
agreed to marry her to a boy from the family into
which the girl’s cousin was marrying. Age and
physical health are not considered in these types of
marriages.
Aveen Ali, 14, was only four years old when she
entered into an exchange marriage. "Out of ten girls
in my extended family, six other cousins and I were
married as kids," she said.
One of her uncles had fallen in love with a woman
and had asked for her hand, but the woman’s family
had requested a girl in return. Aveen, four at that
time, along with three of her cousins, was exchanged
for her uncle’s bride. "My father and my uncles
didn’t regard us as human beings. We were sacrificed
for their love," she said.
But now, Aveen’s husband has married another woman,
and she said he is not ready to divorce her,
although they have never actually met. "I always
avoid seeing him. I'm not ready to end up in a
marriage that was arranged by other people," she
said.
Exchange marriages were once very common among Kurds
and Arab tribes, but are less in evidence these days
because young people are unwilling to submit to a
fate decided for them by their parents, and women
are generally more aware of their rights as a result
of outreach work by women’s rights groups.
Last year, a group of activists started a campaign
against the tradition by recording cases of women
forced into exchange marriages. In just a few weeks,
5,000 came forward – five per cent of the population
of Pshdar, an isolated region close to the border
with Iran.
The Kurdistan Human Rights Group, the Kurdistan
Women’s Union, the Islamic Clerics’ Union, and the
Women’s Media and Cultural Centre are involved in
the campaign.
The campaigners say that the number of girls who’ve
been married off at an early age is much higher than
the registered number.
Sara Faqe, a member of Kurdistan parliament, who is
supervising the campaign, says most of the girls
that have come to their attention go to schools in
the towns and in some rural areas. But she suspects
there are many who have not come forward because
they are confined to their homes and fearful of
their families.
The names of the women who registered - whose age
ranges from 15 to 50 - have now been submitted to
the Kurdish parliament.
The activists are urging parliament to outlaw the
practice of exchange marriage and ensure that girls
who are already married can get a divorce if they
want one.
Exchange marriages are practiced in many parts of
Iraq, but are particularly common in Pshdar. The
area used to be quite remote and the community
remains poor and close-knit, factors that are seen
as fostering exchange marriages.
Impoverished families can ill afford dowries, so
they provide a daughter instead and, in so doing,
help to maintain the social structure of the region.
The activists’ campaign has provoked mixed reactions
in the region.
Ali Hassen, 61, became the head of his family after
his father died, assuming responsibility for his six
brothers. "Up to now, 15 girls from my family were
married when they were very young," he said, the
last one in 2003 soon after she was born.
"I pity them; this [practice] will cause trouble for
our girls. Some who actually live with the men they
were married to as kids are always having problems
with their husbands."
Abdullah Ahmed, 40, had three girls waiting for him
when he was ready to marry, "I had seven sisters and
one brother. When my sister got married, my father
asked for [girls in return], so I was married to
three girls when I was a kid."
But he never accepted the exchange marriages and
chose another woman whom he was in love with. "I
divorced the others so they’d have a chance to get
married," he said.
Haji Mohammda, a nobleman from one of the tribes in
Pshdar, who has personally supervised more than ten
exchange marriages in his family, is not happy with
the registration campaign.
"Why are exchange marriages bad?" he asked. "When a
girl grows up she should get married, so when we
find a girl from a good family, we are ready to give
our girls to them [in return]."
Faqe is optimistic that the parliament will consider
their petition and pass legislation to address the
issue this year.
As for Sana, she has made her decision and is not
ready to live with her husband. "I will ask for a
divorce and get married to someone I love after I
finish my studies," she said.
Najeeba Mohammad is an IWPR trainee in the Pshdar
area. The names of the women interviewed have been
changed to protect their identity.
iwpr net
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