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Runaway lovers seek new life
14.2.2007
By Michael Howard in Ranya
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Elopement Kurdish-style can often be an arrangement
of convenience for families
February 14, 2007 -
Kurdistan region (Iraq)
When the spring comes and the snow melts, Mariwan
and Rashida plan a secret journey that will change
their lives for ever.
Slipping out of their homes at dawn, they will meet
at the edge of their village of Rezaya, under the
large tree that stands sentinel over the graves of
their ancestors. And then, like many young Kurds of
the Pizhdar region before them, the love- struck
teenagers will elope.
Striking out along the steep and narrow mountain
paths favoured by smugglers, Kurdish guerillas, and
the occasional runaway couple, Mariwan, 19, and
Rashida, 17, will trek for four days across the
rugged border into Iran. There they will head for
the mountain-top village of Nawzang, inhabited by
fellow members of the Pizhdar tribe, and throw
themselves on the mercy of the village headman or
local imam to protect them from being caught or even
killed by pursuing members of their families.
Nawzang is clearly not Gretna Green. There are no
blacksmiths' anvils; no one-stop wedding packages
pre-bookable on the internet. But if popular
folklore is anything to go by, Mariwan and Rashida,
won't be disappointed.
Betrothal help
"I heard some stories from my village that Nawzang
is the place to help us get betrothed," said Mariwan
in the town of Ranya last week. "Her father is
against the marriage because I am just a shepherd. I
know that we will cause problems for our families,
but we love each other, so what can we do? We will
stuff a backpack with food and go toward our
dreams."
In this conservative, tribal and patriarchal region
that straddles Iraq's northeastern border with Iran,
elopement - and the love, romance and defiance of
tradition that often accompany it - is celebrated in
poems, songs and stories, says Bwar Noradin, author
of a new book, Elopement in Kurdish Culture.
Although the rural Pizhdar region is popularly
associated with the practice, "eloping couples are
in fact running way across the Kurdistan of Iraq,
Iran, Turkey, and Syria - though not in the same
numbers as before," said Mr Noradin.
Reasons for the decision to flee vary, he said,
according to tribal traditions and local customs,
but typically they involve "love and the desire to
be free to love and spend their lives with whoever
they want". However if a couple hail from poor
families, an elopement, though officially frowned
upon, can sometimes be a way out of paying for a
full wedding ceremony, he said.
The distance the runaway lovers travel will also
vary, according to how strict the families are. "If
their folks back home are hard-core religious, then
the couples may go far, even out of the country. But
if they feel there is a chance for reconciliation
and an eventual return to the fold, then three to
five days away is deemed sufficient," said Mr
Noradin.
The key to a successful outcome of the elopement
lies in the process of negotiation that usually
begins after a couple has been sheltered by the
respected or powerful person, perhaps an agha or a
sheikh. Acting on behalf of the young lovers under
his care, the agha or sheikh may send a message to
their families informing them that the runaways are
safe with him. He then tries to broker a compromise,
usually with the bride's family. That may involve
money, property, land, or on occasion the promise of
the hand of a sister from the groom's side of the
family.
"All parties must feel they have maintained their
honour and received their share in the political
economy of marriage," said Mr Noradin. The bride's
father may receive a 'bride-price'; the mediating
party may receive a 'fee,' and the eloping couples'
landlord can claim 'marriage duty'."
But elopement does not always have a happy ending.
Hamdia Ali Karim is director of the Noah centre in
Sulaimaniyah, a refuge for women who have fallen
foul of tribal norms. More than 1,000 women have
passed through its doors since it opened in 1999.
"When young people from rival tribes run off
together it can create big problems," she said.
"Sometimes, the couple are pursued, killed in the
name of saving honour. We give women sanctuary here
and undertake to negotiate on their behalf. We want
the women to be able to return to their families."
Authorities' backing
Khanda Jalal, a social worker at the Noah centre,
often finds herself travelling to remote parts of
Iraqi Kurdistan to try to reach a deal. "Walking
into these family and group meetings can be
intimidating," she said. "But I have never been
threatened. They know we have the backing of the
Kurdish authorities and that a solution must be
reached."
She cited one recent case where a bride's father had
demanded three of the groom's sisters: "I explained
to him that women were not property to be traded. He
eventually backed down after three months of
negotiations during which he dropped his demand to
one wife and some money. But we refused and then
managed to get an apology from the boy for running
off with his daughter. They are now married and
living back in their town."
In the tea house in Ranya, Mariwan hopes his planned
elopement will lead to a satisfactory resolution. "I
want to return to my village with my bride, and my
head held high. I want her father to be proud to
have me as his son. Is that too much?"
* Names of the couple have been changed to
protect them
guardian co.uk
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